Why I’m not outgoing…

One of my biggest issues is that I constantly compare myself to other girls. It can be anything from their looks, style, personality etc. I always look in the mirror and think that I’m not beautiful enough. Don’t get me wrong I am quite good looking, but not modellike and I’m not that outgoing which makes it hard to get noticed. My older sister constantly says that I only care about looks because I’m a teenager and that is not true.

Growing up people constantly complimented my appearance and I was very confident with myself. I never thought about looks as an important thing and I was very outgoing. But when I turned 14 I started getting acne. That is when I started caring about my appearance on top off everything else that happens during the beginning of someones teenage years. I didn’t look people in the eyes and became less outgoing because of the fact that I didn’t want people to look at my face due to my acne. From that moment I became very shy.

Thankfully my acne is now clear. Don’t get me wrong I do get breakouts here and there, but it’s no were near how it used to be.

/The Unknown Girl

Feeling left out…

I had my first classes today after the winter break. I was kind of looking forward to going back to school because I was going to try to be more social with my friend and maybe ask if they wanted to hang out after school or something. When I came to school I met up with two of my friends in my class that I use to be with and we chatted for a while until another classmate (an old friend) came. I greeted her and she looked at me with the weirdest look and said hi, like she was wondering why I was bothering her. I brushed it off.

However, as the day went by I became less noticeable to the girls and when school ended they just disappeared without saying goodbye. That really hurt my feelings. That one girl that used to be my friend doesn’t want me to be with the other girls, so she tries to shut me out all the time. And then they post pictures and videos on their snapchat, which doesn’t help how I’m already feeling. This has been going on for a while now, that one old friend who’s trying to shut me out. I feel like I shouldn’t try so hard to be noticed just to be treated this way. If they truly were my friends they wouldn’t have left me and made me feel left out. I should stop lowering my standards. I deserve better than that. The problem is that I don’t have anyone else to be with. I feel very lonely sometimes, but at the same time I feel the most comfortable when I’m alone. Maybe it’s my fault that I’m being left out. I’m the one who’s socially awkward.

/The Unknown Girl

There’s this guy…

So I have been MIA lately because I had a test yesterday. Thankfully, it went better than I thought it would. Nevertheless, there’s this guy that I’ve kind of had a crush on for a while now. He is very kind, smart and confident and that is very attractive to me. I don’t talk to him a lot because I’m really shy and I try to avoid him due to fear of making a fool out of myself. For the last two-three months I’ve noticed from the corner of my eyes that he has been looking at me. I don’t know if I’m delusional or something.

However, lately he has started to come up to me and ask me about school stuff. This is kind of weird because he didn’t used to do that and he has good grades so he doesn’t need to get higher grades. All of this seems weird because I’m the nerd who doesn’t talk to guys. But yesterday after we had the test I saw him outside the classroom and he came up to me and said hi and asked about my winter break and what I thought about the test. Anyways, I don’t know what all of this means, if it even means anything. Well, maybe I’m this hopeless romantic who reeds too many romantic novells and is reading too much into this.

/The Unknown Girl

Study day & donating clothes

The only thing I’ve done today is study. I have a huge test after the winter break. So, how do I study. People like to assume that It’s easy for me to study, just because I like to read a lot. Well, that’s not true. I have to make plans, which I unfortunately don’t follow. Yeah, not that great. But, the thing that I try to do is to follow my plans. When I’m done with all of my plans for the day I like to reward myself by reading a book or watching something. So automatically, I want to be done with everything as fast as possible so that I can reed my books.

Oh, I forgot, I did clean my closet in the morning. I am going to try to donate some clothes to a charity. It’s not much but I hope it helps a little. Fortunately, I live in a safe house, safe country, but it’s so sad to see what some people are going through. I can’t even imagine how hard it mus be. I hope everyone one day finds peace by putting an end to all the war and fighting, because that is inhumane. This kind of makes me feel a bit selfish for wishing for a better life when I’ve got a roof over my head and food on my table. I guess you wish for the things you don’t have. This is something I want to improve about myself.

/The Unknown Girl

An introverts desire to be loved

I always wanted to get attention. I’m always the one who is invisible. The one who no one remembers. The quiet one. The one who is too shy. What am I supposed to say? Is what I say really interesting. I do not feel interesting. Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say? Am I good enough? Am I good looking? I do not want to make a fool of myself so I keep stuff to myself. The only thing I want is to get attention. To not be the unknown girl. I want to be the most important person to someone. To be good enough. To love and to be in love. It has never happened in my years on earth. Why would it happen now? I will always just be me. I will always be an introvert who travels inside romantic novels and movies. Why would anyone want to be with someone like me. I’m just me. My wish is for someone to love me for who I am. For the shy, introverted girl that I am. To feel a tingling feeling in my stomach every time I am with this person. To feel how the heartbeat increases with our every touch. To feel so strongly about each other that it becomes blinding. Have a love so deep that the ocean would be jealous. This will probably never happen. Who am I? Why am I interesting. If only I had dressed more attractive. Well that is not possible. I am too shy. Then I can not get attention. I can live with that though. I have been all my life. Why would anyone want me? I’m just…. me.

/The Unknown Girl